Things your surgeon fails to mention....

Saturday, May 28, 2011

You might have noticed I haven't been around here much recently.  My apologies.  I had a hysterectomy 4 weeks ago and am finally feeling like myself.

On that note here are a few pointers for anyone else looking forward to this kind of surgery:

*Slip on shoes are a must at the hospital.  Waiting around to have someone tie up your laces is a real downer and makes you feel 2 years old again.

*If your husband/friend rents a funny movie to lift you spirits after surgery... kick them out and tell them to take their tool of torture  with them.  I didn't know this universal rule and had to hold a pillow to my abs while trying not to laugh for two hours.

*Even the most proper of us will start to rejoice at the return of certain bodily functions.  Abdominal surgery messes with everything and sometime your body takes it's time getting back into the swing of things.  In the meantime you will feel like Buddha (the short happy fat one) and feel disgusting.

*If you body is stubborn and DOES NOT start said bodily functions... call your surgeon.  DO NOT leave it TWO full weeks until your mother who happens to be an unsympathetic RN drags you kicking and screaming to the ER for X-rays and other things I will spare you from knowing about.  Enough said.

*Hiccups are from hell, avoid them at all costs. 

*Between incision holes and hepron shots your abdomen will look like a world map to a world you have never seen.  Don't sweat it, just make up country names for all the bruises, they don't last forever (although those hepron shot sights are still alive and kicking 4 weeks later ~ just to warn ya!)

*Get used to the following pet names:  Frankin-mommy, Frankin-wife, Scary-lady-who-sleeps-all-day.

Enjoy the rest, take it easy, milk it for all it's worth.  That's been my motto.

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